You can feel it. Time has come. It’s 2012, and it’s the judgment day. Every signal is ready. We have our Duke Nukem Forever. We have seen the fall of Microsoft. And now we are about to have Arnold Schwarzenegger kickin’ ass with the old Sly. It is the end of the world, but what an end, isn’t it?
The Expendables 2, it’s probably everything you wanted when you were a kid, and I’m not talking about havin every movie action hero together. I’m talking about having a decent GIJOE movie. We probably miss four things, BA Barracus, Bolo Yeung, The Rock, and everyone being 20 years younger.
I hope everything goes better than expected, and we can have a tomorrow, with TE3 plus Jackie Chan.
Let me give you a top ten movies of the Austrian Oak. And like any Top10, it’s just my opinion. But what an opinion!
NUMBER 10->TRUE LIES, 1994
James Cameron + Arnold Schwarzenegger in an action comedy spoof of 007. Add Tia Carrere and Jamie Lee Curtis at their top of their careers. A very very funny movie, with a lot of action. They didn’t wanna to take you this movie seriously, so don’t do it. Just relax and take it as it is. Pure entertainment… and it’s just the number 10 of the list!
Okay, just ask yourself: What do women really want? You take these bored housewives, married to the same guy for years, they’re stuck in a rut, then need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger. I create that for them.
So basically, your lying your ass off the whole time. See, I can’t do that.
What are you, a boy scout? No, no, no, think of it as playing a role as fantasy. I mean, you got to work on their dreams. Get them out of their daily surburban grind for a few hours.
But what about their husbands?
Dickless! I mean, let’s face it, if they took care of business, I’d be out of business! You know what I mean?
NUMBER 9->RED HEAT, 1988
There was a time, when you knew who was a bad guy. The bad guy, was cold, fearless and it came from a far and cold place called RUSIA. But then, we meet Ivan Danko, a former police officer who partned with the ironic James Belushi, in other of his buddy movies, changing the tender K-9 for the rusky Arnold. Probably one of the best forgotten buddy movies ever made.
Very strange city. The crime is organized; the police is not.
NUMBER 8->TOTAL RECALL, 1990
Are you tired of reality, do you dream with a life full of emotions… maybe… dreaming of Mars?
We can help you in Rekall Inc.
PD:Forget the upcomin’ remake “based on the short story by Phillip K. Dick” (sure)
Now, this is the plan. Get your ass to Mars.
NUMBER 7->LAST ACTION HERO, 1993
Let’s evade our selfs again, let’s go to the theater to see our favorite action hero. Let’s the last of Jack Slater!
Last Action Hero, gives everything for the fan, with a lot of over sized action plus some bad jokes. This movie has more cameos than almost Mars Attacks. If you thought it was too silly, give it a try again, you fool.
Hey Claudius! You killed my father! Big mistake!
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash.
Stay thy hand, fair prince.
Who said I’m fair?
No one is going to tell this sweet prince good night.
To be or not to be? …Not to be.
NUMBER 6->THE RUNNING MAN, 1987
I remember reading a book called The Running Man, written by Richard Bachman. The movie starred by Schwarzenegger has nothing to do with that amazing thriller, but… it’s also a very enjoyable story. Arnold played an ex-cop, falsely convicted for massacring some pedestrians. Ben Richards will be forced to compete in the reality TV series “The Running Man”, a show which was surprisingly accurate about modern reality TV culture.
-There are still two stalkers out there. Dynamo and Fireball. Who do you think will make the next kill?
-Oh my. That’s a tough one.
-Come on, Agnes. You can do it. Who do you think?
-Alright, I think the next kill will be made by… Ben Richards.
-No, no. Agnes, Richards is a runner. You have to pick a stalker.
-I can pick anyone I choose. And I choose… Ben Richards. That boy is one mean motherfucker.
NUMBER 5->TWINS, 1988
Ok, I know… too much funny movies, in a Top10 of Arnold… but… let’s be honest, it’s a funny guy. And it was shocking having him as the twin of Danny deMidget.
Look, Julius. Do you know how many times I’ve heard stories like this? It’s every orphan’s fantasy. My real mom and dad were rich, and beautiful. But… there was a mix-up at the hospital. And I got switched with another baby. But one day, there’s gonna be a knock at the door. And there they’ll be, with open arms, crying, “My darling. My treasure. We didn’t know. How can we make it up to you?” Let me tell you something for your own good Julius. It a CROCK!
NUMBER 4->PREDATOR, 1987
Arnold is always the ultimate weapon when we talk about action in his films. But this time he has to fight something that it is out of this world. Nothing else than a Predator. Forget all the sequels, this one was directed by John McTiernan, and had Arnold in it (plus some other GIJOEs like Action Jackson).
No one has been a match for the predator since then.
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
NUMBER 3->CONAN THE BARBARIAN, 1982
I know most of the people loves Jason Mamoa being Conan, but… let’s face it. It’s a pussy compared to big A. If you wanna see the best sword & sorcery movie ever, there is no doubt, check Conan The Barbarian. A Spanish movie, with the best you can expect. The very first blockbuster of our star. And even so a Top3. It could have been more accurate to the source material, but even with that it’s really amazing, enjoyable, and unforgettable.
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
NUMBER 2->THE TERMINATOR, 1984
It’s sad, but the best movie ever made of the X-Men, has no mention to them, even so, The Terminator it’s a clear remnant of Days of The Future Past. James Cameron, a comic book lover adopted the best comic ever made of the X-Men, and created an icon for the CINEMA.
The role of The Terminator it was written to be portrayed by O.J. Simpson, but, Arnold learned a movie after doing Cactus Jack, it doesn’t matter if you are the good guy in the movie, if the movie is called The Terminator, you have to be The Terminator. So he rejected the role of Kyle Reese and the rest it’s well known.
Your clothes… give them to me, now.
NUMBER 1->TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY, 1991
The Terminator it’s probably in the top 10 list action movie of every well born fan, T2 it’s bigger in every way. It’s just perfect.
John, where are you?
I’m here Janelle, I’m fine.
John, it’s late, where are you?
What’s the dog’s name?
Hey Janelle, what’s wrong with Wolfie? I can hear him barking.
Wolfie’s fine, honey, Wolfie’s just fine. Where are you?
Your foster parents are dead.
What do you think? I forgot about any of yours Arnie favorite movies?